Personal Objectives for Advanced Level

"You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

. . . the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting . . . "

- Mary Oliver

I want to do work that brings me joy AND well-being, that is challenging, that makes me learn and grow and that I don't already know how to do. This work is not walking on my knees through the desert,though. I want to do what I'm called to do not despite the other callings of my life, but with them.

My long-term vision is to bring a deeper understanding of caring for families welcoming children to congregations and ministers, especially Unitarian Universalists. Certification as a Mentor is only a first step on that journey. This work is the foundation-building for that house. To reach the whole vision I'll need to learn more about adoption and pastoral care as it's understood and practiced in Unitarian Universalist churches. And I'll need a Master's degree, most likely an M.Div., to be truly taken seriously in those 'temples'.

That building is a long way off. But the work with parents is a wellspring.

I did a drawing to see what would come of these ideas in pastels on paper:

Obviously, this is the goal, the objective, not reality. In reality, many times not everyone is smiling at the same time. In reality, there're fewer stacks of fat cash!

The questions which float up to me from my image making are these:

Where and what are the obstacles in my way?

Am I now an apprentice or a Journeyman?

And what would Mastery mean?

My formal OBJECTIVES:

1. Continue to build my experience and skill in mentoring parents
2. Get certified!
3. Learn, learn, learn about all things pregnancy, birth, and parenting
4. Break even or better financially
5. Connect with other wonderful mentors & colleagues
6. Learn about myself in this 'mirror'

Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn

I chose this book off of my library shelves . . . I was looking for something to help me as I move deeper into parenting three children, all under 5 until next month.

I found it deeply reassuring. The writing is very non-judgmental most of the time. The authors seem to truly believe and understand that every parent is different, every child is different, every family dynamic is different, and there is no one right way to do this thing - only tools they can share with parents seeking a mindful path.

I have a child (my oldest) who is very "high needs". He has been incredibly intense and demanding since birth. And challenging to me, as a parent. I have read a lot of parenting books over the years. Most of them have left me feeling, "well, that's nice, but it doesn't really apply and wouldn't really work with [my son], even if it's a good idea for most kids (even my other kids)." (Or, let's be honest, sometimes I'm thinking "what, are they crazy? Who would this work with?" LOL!) This book wasn't like that at all. I felt that most of the discussion was just as relevant to how I parent my oldest as it was to how I parent my other two, more 'typical' children.

Which brings me to my other thought about this book: I love that it is truly about how parents parent, not about how to parent to change your child in xyz way. I don't believe it's our job as parents to change our children. Sometimes our job is to help our children change themselves. Our job is always to change ourselves as parents to best adapt to the situations we find ourselves in.

I'm going to post quotes from the book as Status Updates on the Larger Circle Facebook Page. If you aren't a Fan yet, become one!

New Website is Up!

While I will still use this blog for blogging purposes, if you are looking for more information about me and my doula or childbirth education services, please visit:

www.largercircle.org

Thanks!

The Labor Progress Handbook, 2nd Edition

by Penny Simkin and Ruth Ancheta

Wow. This book is so useful, especially for someone like me whose mind works best in a linear, graphic way. Starting with definitions and moving from before labor through pre-labor, early labor, active labor, to second stage, the authors explore why and how labor can be dysfunctional and what to do to restore it to functionality. There are also sections with specific descriptions of maternal positions and movements, and comfort measures.

I do know, however, that in labor or when with a woman in labor, one doesn't necessarily use the information laid out here in such a linear A-B-C way. Intuition plays a big role, and communication, in deciding what to actually do in the moment when something is making a labor difficult and long. Oftentimes, though, I think birth attendants can feel just as "stuck" as the mom does when things are not going smoothly, and having the information in this book (or maybe even the book itself!) at hand to get some new ideas working could be a huge help at those times.

Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year

by Susun S. Weed

I loved this book. It really appealed to my emotional roots in the semi-counter-culture of the 80's, where I spent a lot of time as a child absorbing the cool differentness of my parents and their friends.

It's also actually a useful resource :-) It describes the properties and uses of a variety of herbs in a variety of forms for a variety of problems and/or needs during the time just before, during, and just after pregnancy. While I have read other books which include herbal remedies for childbearing, I felt this book gave me a better sense of herbs as medicine and how to use them as such in a way that respects their potency and potential for benefit . . . and harm. I also appreciated the detailed instructions on how to find, prepare, and store herbs for medicinal use.

One thing I did notice was that there is not a lot of explanation of why herbs work. That is a little off-putting to the scholar-huntress in me. I want to understand why and how things work, and I like it when people experiment and find empirical evidence for what they think and what they think works. That is not the place the author of this book is coming from. The herbalist tradition, at least as she presents it, is one of inherited wisdom which can be added to by an herbalist's personal experience, but which does not really need to be skeptically verified. I respect this perspective, but it's not one I choose for myself very often.

Pregnancy & Birth: The Best Evidence - Making Decisions that Are Right for You and Your Baby

by Joyce Barrett, MD, and Teresa Pitman

I think this would be a great book for libraries to have (mine didn't) and for me to have to share with parents I'm working with if they are the sort of parents who are very interested in research and making the "right" choice. Although since the book is almost 10 years old at this point, I might prefer to send people to a resource like The Cochrane Collaboration which is at least in theory updated regularly.

Many topics are unlikely to change over time, however - the risks and benefits of, say, episiotomy, aren't going to suddenly reverse in predominance. It's more the stuff that hadn't been researched 10 years ago that might be out of date.

The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Safe and Satisfying Birth

By William Sears, MD and Martha Sears, RN

This book is, of course, a classic, and I've read it a couple of times before.

What I noticed reading through (most of) it this time was the spirit of it: it's a spirit of fighting for what you want/believe is right, and of seeking for the information you need. And the Searses believe that they know what you should want/believe is right/information you need. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I can see how it might feel judging to some people in some circumstances, which I'm not sure I've seen or understood before.

I was interested in the biochemical/mechanical explanation of why relaxation in labor is important to pain coping. It makes sense; and I still kind of wonder about the emphasis on relaxation. My personal experience tells me that no matter how relaxed I am, I'm still going to experience cervical stretching as painful, and that for me, more active pain coping practices will work better.

But I'm not the only kind of person in the world. And so I'm inspired to keep working to improve my ability to help women labor who need more active ways of laboring, and those who need my help or encouragement to relax.

The Complete Book of Pregnancy & Childbirth

I'm doing my doula reading . . .

The Complete Book of Pregnancy & Childbirth (4th Edition) by Sheila Kitzinger is beautifully written. It's innocent, poetic, and inspiring.

It also drove me kind of nuts.

Reading it reminded me of this scenario: imagine a parent teaching her teenage child to drive. She wants to be positive and encouraging, and so as her child is driving along she says something like this, "Oh, honey, I'm so excited that you're learning to drive! It's going to be so great for you to be able to get places on your own! You're getting so mature and WATCH OUT FOR THAT CURB!"

Much of the text is very problem focused. I like it better than, say, What to Expect When You're Expecting because the problems it's focused on are the problems I am personally biased to see as real, rather than those I see as iatrogenic. But I still feel more supported and nourished as a doula, mentor, and human being by authors who help me find solutions that work for me than by those who spend a lot of time pointing out all the things that can go wrong.

There is lots of good information in this book, though, and one particular section really surprised me by describing for the first time I've seen in print or on-line an exact scenario (involving 1st trimester bleeding) which I experienced in my first pregnancy but never really had explained or validated before.

Monsters and Magical Sticks

Monsters and Magical Sticks: Or There's No Such Thing As Hypnosis? was a really fun read. The author was clearly a smart alec and enjoyed himself being one! I also learned a lot about how we learn. I'd like to check out some of the specifics about brain science with my brother the brain scientist, but it was a fascinating book anyway.

Some of the techniques seemed like I'd have to do a LOT of practice to be able to use them effectively. Some seemed much more intuitive.

I feel much better prepared to deal with it if I am ever again asked if my Birthing From Within classes use hypnosis (which I was, once, by someone who clearly saw hypnosis as a tool of the devil.) The answer is clearly no, if you are thinking of hypnosis as something someone does to someone else that could make them behave in ways against their will or character. But another way to understand hypnosis is a kind of self-induced meditative state; and we do help people learn how this kind of lightly altered consciousness can help them cope with pain and enhance their ability to connect with their sources of spiritual strength.

Point Zero

The whole title of the book is Point Zero: Creativity Without Limits, by Michelle Cassou. While I am sure I have things to learn from this book (and I have high hopes that I will at the workshop) my gut reaction to it was highly negative. I think creativity needs some limits, most of the time in most contexts. One of the author's metaphors is that when painting, one should look out for three "dragons": of product, control, and meaning. Well, I can see that for a certain kind of meditative creativity, it's important to be able to let go of product, control, and meaning. However, for much of life and even for much art, there are reasons why we are and should be concerned with product, control, and meaning. You don't get the Sistine Chapel without limits of intending a certain product, control of technique, and without intending certain meanings. You don't get good results in cooking, or most music-making, or working with human beings without these limits, either.

Most disturbing to me was a story in which the author talks about taking a whole week to spend all day every day from sunrise to sunset painting by herself. She waxes euphoric about how wonderful the experience was. And then she says that at the end of each day she returned home to her baby too tired to even feed herself and curled up with him to sleep. For me, this creativity needs some limits of responsible relationship with other people, especially her baby!

Awakening the Heroes Within

Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol S. Pearson is fascinating to me. It's basically Jungian in that it posits twelve archetypes which people/communities/cultures move through in a spiral fashion throughout their lifespans. I love paradigms of this sort; they appeal to the way my mind works.

Apparently, for what it's worth, I am strongest in my Magician archetype, closely followed by Creator, Sage, Ruler and Lover. I could use some work on my Orphan and Destroyer archetypes.

We were only supposed to read about the first four (including Orphan) so I have yet to learn exactly what this means ;-P

Innana's Descent to the Underworld

A goddess goes on her sister's (?) behalf to the underworld to observe her brother-in-law's death rites (?) and tells her helper to go plead on her behalf to other gods if she doesn't come back in a timely fashion. On her way into the underworld, she is literally stripped and figuratively stripped of her powers, and then killed by the goddess who rules the underworld. So her helper goes and asks the gods for help, one of whom sends some creatures. They go into the underworld and help the goddess who rules there (who is in pain as if in childbirth) so she offers them whatever they want. They take the first goddess's corpse and bring it back to life; however, she is followed out of the underworld by some demons. The demons try to take her helper and then her sons, none of whom she will let them have. Finally, she gives the demons her husband, who appears to have been entirely unbothered by her disappearance, and they take him back to the underworld in her place.

It's quite confusing. It's also some of the required reading for my workshop next week, so I'll be fascinated to see how Birthing From Within interprets the tale. I can think of some interpretations, but it's the kind of text that is opaque enough to allow almost an infinite number of possibilities unless you know a LOT more than I do about the context it was created in (probably unless you know more about that context than anyone really does, considering that the story comes from roughly 5,000 - 6,000 years ago.)