The Larger Circle

Mother Food: Lactogenic Food & Herbs for Milk Production and for a Mother's and her Baby's Health

2011-07-28T15:53:00.000-04:00

Mother Food by Hilary Jacobson is an interesting resource, but not an interesting read. Her purpose is laudable - but it really is "compiled as an informational guide". There is not much of a narrative, but for the sake of so much information, that's easy to forgive.

Birth: the Surprising History of How We Are Born

2011-06-25T18:11:00.000-04:00

Birth: the Surprising History of How We Are Born by Tina Cassidy definitely feels like what it is - an overview written by a journalist. Journalists are by trade and often personality disposed to facts over feelings, the story over one's opinions about the story. And this book is pretty thoroughly non-judgmental. Since I am not, in the privacy of my own mind, non-judgmental about the history of birth, it was an interesting difference of perspective for me.

One factoid that stuck out at me from the book was the description of the surgical procedure called symphyseotomy, where a doctor would cut through the soft tissues of the mother's genitalia, and then manually separate the cartilage in her pubic bone to create a wider opening for the baby to come through. This was (and in some places where a cesarean is radically unsafe or simply unavailable, still is) used as an alternative to unsafe cesareans before anesthesia and an understanding of preventing infection. A third of the mothers and half of the babies died, but this was apparently a better mortality rate than cesareans could offer at the time. I'm not sure I'd ever read about this before, but it is truly horrifying to me.

The other factoid that stuck out is related. I know I had read about how rickets deformed women's pelvises and led to the need for such horrific - and desperate - measures, but I hadn't remembered the details. Pelvic openings of 2 inches. Yikes. And no 99% effective birth control other than simply never having intercourse. Double yikes. I did like the (probably anecdotal) story from several hundred years ago about the father who performed a cesarean on his wife and took out her ovaries himself to make sure he would never be in that situation again. I can so imagine that, and it feels so different than the similar stories from a generation or two ago about doctors deciding to take the uterus and ovaries out after a cesarean.

Worth reading, for sure. Not my favorite ever based on lack of emotional appeal and any sense of activism whatsoever.

9 Weeks and The End

2011-04-10T16:14:00.004-04:00

The last of my postcard exchange images:

Two of my family members and one of my colleagues are expecting babies in October or November this year. I decided to do colored pencil studies of what their babies might look like at this point in their pregnancies. This is 9 weeks.

I should mention that I'm behind on posting these so they are no longer at this # of weeks.

12 Weeks

2011-04-09T16:11:00.001-04:00

For the postcard exchange . . .

I am a bit behind on posting these - they aren't at this number of weeks anymore.

13 Weeks

2011-04-08T16:06:00.005-04:00

For the postcard exchange:

I should mention that I'm a tad bit behind posting these - so they aren't at these weeks anymore.

Dream Image

2011-04-07T16:06:00.000-04:00

These are the last of my postcard exchange images. Here's what I said about this one:

This is a dream-image, although this image is actually like symbol of the dream-image which was a symbol in itself. The text reads in part: “In the dream I gave birth to a baby face up with an audience of many watchers. The baby was born with open eyes, laughing, and singing.”

Outer Gates of the Underworld

2011-02-21T10:59:00.000-05:00

Another postcard:

I started reading through the Inanna myth in the Wolkstein/ Kramer version and immediately the Gate called to me. Here it is, my version of the “outer gates of the underworld,” for today. Solid, earthy wood outlines them. Curtains which look very vulvular block most of the way. Neti looks something like a House Elf or a Ferengi and wears only a loincloth, but he holds a very modern stop sign. I’m not sure what the bird is doing there, but he came, so there he is.

Inanna Tal Mask

2011-02-20T10:59:00.000-05:00

My postcard image for the week before last:

I read a book to my kids about Tal masks from Korean traditions and my oldest got really enthused about making masks. We didn’t have the materials to hand so he decided to draw designs instead and insisted that I draw one, too. So I decided to draw Inanna, with her crown of the Steppe, eye ointment, and locks of hair. No necklace, etc., to be true to the mask idea.

Seven "Me"

2011-02-08T23:27:00.001-05:00

Last week's postcard:

And my message:

I told the story of Inanna this week to a private class, and listened to a 2010 call about art assignments, in which Virginia suggested assigning oneself parts of stories we tell. So I decided to assign myself the Seven Me for this postcard, because I couldn’t remember them all when I told the story this week! I thought drawing them might help me learn them by heart.

The Premature Baby Book

2011-01-30T18:15:00.000-05:00

The Premature Baby Book by William, Robert, James, & Martha Sears is a good basic text. Most of the Sears Parenting Library books are. I noticed the extremely bland, reassuring tone more in this one, though, because it's about such a terrifying topic (at least to me).

I worked with a family once who had premies born at . . . hm. I don't remember exactly how many weeks anymore. Something in the mid-20s I think. This was while I was pregnant with my first baby, over 7 years ago. That's an impressionable time, and that NICU made an impression. I was pretty horrified by the idea of that much suffering, that much separation from their mama, that much struggle on the part of the mama to stay connected to those babies while also caring for a teenager and a toddler at home. I think as an uninitiated woman, who had not yet given birth, not yet discovered my full strength as a mother, I was unable to appreciate how, like birth, this NICU experience was not perhaps just painful, but strong.

When dealing with things like that, things that stretch you to the very limit of what you are capable of, bland and reassuring may not cut it. But this book was a good introduction to the topic. I hope I never need to know the details in it for myself. I hope I can be present to parents I work with in the future despite my emotional response, or through it, if we end up in the NICU, earlier than planned.

Laborynth Slides

2011-01-28T16:37:00.002-05:00

My postcard for this week:

And what I said about it:

My family’s had a stomach bug this week so for this postcard I’m ‘cheating’. This is a collage of the Laborynth images I made as a slideshow to show to a private class I did a year ago. I had my 5-month-old daughter with me and was concerned about my ability to draw the visuals, hold the baby, and be fully present to the parents. It worked out rather well, although I do prefer to draw it by hand with parents when possible!

Listening to the Great Below

2011-01-27T17:34:00.000-05:00

This is the next postcard:

And what I said about it:

I made the sculpture shown here during a class while the parents were making birth power figures. I know what it symbolizes for me: myself, belly empty of babies for now but shaped by pregnancy and birth, with my hand to my ear, listening intently to the Great Below as I enter a period of great change in my life. But I hope it’s an image which may speak to others, too. Thanks to my husband Matt who is a professional photographer and copied the sculpture for me!

Postcards

2011-01-26T17:33:00.000-05:00

A fellow Birthing From Within Mentor created a postcard exchange for Mentors this winter and spring. I've agreed to create and send 12 postcards to fellow Mentors and should receive about that many in return as well. I thought I'd post them here so everyone can see all of them.

Here's my first:

And here's what I said about it:

This image contains photos of 7 generations of women in my family, the last 5 of whom were only daughters. Around them I have drawn a tree of life with roots in the earth stretching into the sky, with a moon and stars. Over it all is a strand of DNA. “Tara” is the name given by one researcher to the woman my/our mitochondrial, matrilineal DNA comes from. Of the women in these pictures, my mother (far right in the color photo, baby in the middle photo) is the only one who was born in a hospital, while my grandmother (middle of color photo, left in middle photo, baby in top photo) is the only one who did not give birth at home. . . . Somewhere in BFW, Pam talks about learning our family histories around birth. I’ve always wanted to find processes for doing this more intentionally with my students.

It Sucked and Then I Cried

2011-01-11T17:09:00.000-05:00

It Sucked and Then I Cried: How I Had a Baby, a Breakdown, and a Much Needed Margarita by Heather B. Armstrong

This was a much lighter read than most of the other stuff I've been working through. Irritatingly at times. But it's also a vivid description of what it's like to be inside postpartum anxiety and depression. I chose it because I'd read Armstrong's posts about her second birth, which she did very differently from her first, and which she was a lot happier about in a lot of ways, and enjoyed them. I'd like to read something more about postpartum mood disorders that's more forthright - the humor and sarcasm maybe gets in the way a bit for me in this book - but this was definitely a fun read.

My favorite line: "Whose brilliant idea was it to protect the world from these diseases by JABBING BABIES WITH NEEDLES? Why were we covering light sockets with protective plastic coverings when doctors everywhere were poking infants with sharp, disease-infested objects? Parenthood makes no sense." (p. 187)

Having Twins and More

2011-01-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

Having Twins and More: A Parent's Guide to Multiple Pregnancy, Birth, and Early Childhood by Elizabeth Noble with Leo Sorger, M.D.

I chose this book for the Postpartum & Birth reading I needed to do because I know from talking to parents of twins that the postpartum challenges everyone experiences are magnified tremendously for parents of multiples.

This book was an interesting mix of data (or at least reference to data) and assertion. Noble quotes LOTS of research, but in a kind of random-seeming way (i.e., quote anything that seems to support what you want to say, rather than a review of all possible research on the topic you're discussing - see this fascinating article about the fallacy of medical research in general, much less when you're trying to prove a point.) And she obviously has some pet theories, some of which I think make common sense (eat more), others not (dairy is evil for everyone).

It is informative though, for someone like me with no direct personal experience with parenting twins or more, about what that experience is like. I'd like to read something more evocative on the topic at some point, because this book is only informative. Even the side-bar quotes from parents are pretty dry.

Since I don't have twins and am not pregnant with them and I leave the book feeling kind of scared of the whole idea, I imagine it might not be a confidence builder for someone actually expecting twins. I think I wouldn't necessarily recommend this book to parents, at least not as a primary source.

Birth: she does include photos and the story of a successful, term, homebirth of triplets after cesarean, which is undoubtedly pretty cool. Otherwise, none of the birth information was particularly new to me - she's basically saying, try to find someone who will support a vaginal birth because it's better for you and the babies - even better if it can be as natural as possible.

Postpartum: again, her general gist is that parents of multiples will need LOTS of help or disaster may overtake them in the form of stress, divorce, depression etc. This is useful, and there are some ideas about how to cope, but I imagine that I'd learn a lot more from the Internet in terms of tricks to try and gadgets to buy if I were expecting multiples.

After Miscarriage

2010-12-19T15:07:00.000-05:00

After Miscarriage: Medical Facts and Emotional Support for Pregnancy Loss by Krissi Danielsson, published in 2008 is another for my "Pregnancy & Birth" reading list. And again, I chose it because pregnancy loss is not something I know from personal experience (at least, not yet - and at least, not directly - I do know friends, family members, and clients who have had losses.) I appreciated that this book was written in a very personal style; it's not a clinical description of phenomenon or even a "all about it" kind of book, although it does include both information and advice. Rather, it's a sort of compilation of reference material and acknowledgement of emotional struggle, and briefly, a description of the author's own miscarriage experiences and her emotional responses. Best of all, it manages not to be patronizing (I think), which I can imagine it would be only too easy for a book on this topic to be.

Everything Conceivable

2010-12-08T21:03:00.000-05:00

Everything Conceivable: How Assisted Reproduction Is Changing Our World by Liza Mundy, published in 2008. I chose this book as one of my Pregnancy & Birth readings for my certification because assisted reproduction is just something I don't know about from personal experience - and I'm sure I've already worked with families using assisted reproduction as a doula and childbirth educator, whether I know it or not.

Actually, I know I've worked with families using assisted reproduction since I was a young teenager; one of the families I babysat for then was a single lesbian mom who eventually had 6 children, 4 or 5 by birth and 1 or 2 by adoption. The ART she used was pretty low-tech as far as I know.

I learned a lot about how modern ART works, what the options and possibilities are, and what some of the pitfalls and challenges may be.

Favorite quote: "Urologists . . . have refined microsurgery to the point where if a man has a pocket of motile sperm anywhere - if, for example, the majority of his sperm are dead but there is live sperm in one tubule - they can retrieve it and use it. They're like the SWAT team of reproductive surgeons, trained to get the hostage out safely. (In military hospitals, these are actually called 'commando extractions.'" (p. 74)

The Water of Life: Initiation and the Tempering of the Soul

2010-11-28T12:45:00.000-05:00

The Water of Life: Initiation and the Tempering of the Soul by Michael Meade also took me a long time to read (like the last book I blogged about). But this time it was because this book is incredibly rich, like the dense gingerbread cake I made this week, with nuggets of intensity in it, like the dried cranberries I stirred into the cake. I could only read a little at a time, just like there's still a lot of cake left because I can only eat a small piece at a time.

There are lots of bits of this book I love and want to come back to in different ways in different contexts. (Some to note: "The Spell", pp. 88 - 91; )I think as a mother of sons, it will inform my view of their needs as boys and becoming men. The direct application to working with fathers and fathers to be as a childbirth and parenting mentor is not so obvious to me, but I'm sure it is there and will come out.

One thing I noticed was how drawn I was to the stories in the book that came straight from the author's experience. Much of the time he talks in general about how various men react to the stories (folk-tales) that form the skeleton of the book, and that's valuable and useful. But what really caught my attention were the few direct stories where he spoke in the first person about his own life. That gives me pause as I think about how I use stories with parents (and others in my other roles in life). We are told not to share our own experiences, or if we do, to camouflage them as someone else's. I understand why; it can be hard for someone to hear truth if it's about me, especially if they have any issues with authority figures or women or whatever. But on the other hand, I think sometimes it is a betrayal of the role of mentor or elder not to claim my own experience, share it for what it is, and then allow those who are listening to make of it what they will. The old stories, the archetypal stories, are extremely powerful in part because they let people see themselves in whatever part of the story they need to at that moment when they are listening. Personal stories, elders' stories, are also powerful and sometimes perhaps we should share them. The middle ground, the framing, is not so powerful (albeit useful and important to do, with light brushstrokes.)

The Craft of the Warrior

2010-09-24T13:27:00.000-04:00

The Craft of the Warrior by Robert L. Spencer took me a long time to read. It was boring. It was pedantic. It was analytic. There were also nuggets of great stuff every so often.

Having just finished it, the great bit at the front of my mind is the very last two pages, where Spencer discusses how to know if you've found a good teacher for yourself in your Warrior journey. It's a beautiful description of what to look out for, and what to look for, and how to know when to stick with a teacher despite feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Therefore, it's also a good description of what not to be, and what to be, and how to stay present for a student who is overwhelmed and anxious.

I wavered back and forth in this reading between thinking, "but I don't want to be a warrior - this isn't my path!" and "so much of the warrior's path is part of the recovery and spiritual paths I've taken in my life so far, isn't that cool!" There is much that honestly doesn't appeal to me about the language and paradigm of warriorship. I am not attracted at all to altered states of consciousness, "personal power", "freedom", etc. But it's not the actuality of these things that isn't attractive - it's the . . . marketing of them. When I read carefully and try to understand the essence of these aspects of warriorship, that essence is something that I seek and value, in slightly different ways (mostly) than any of the warrior paths Spencer is describing. I seek serenity. I seek awareness, acceptance, the ability to act. I seek a path with heart.

I don't tend to seek "a mentor" much of the time. Rather, I tend to seek a community qua mentor; a circle of elders or peers who have walked or are walking the path I've been set on, to guide me as a collective. I wonder if this is a more feminine form of discipleship than the male teachers and authors Spencer is digesting describe. I wonder what a consciously feminist description of warriorship would read like. I am aware that quite a lot of what Spencer describes seems to me like it would work quite well for the men and boys in my life - the appealing aspects of warriorship as he describes them are things that I do think would appeal quite well to the masculine mindset of the males I know best.

Favorite quote (actually from Nelson Zink): "You see, when you don't do what somebody wants you to do, that's rebellin'. But if you do what you want to do then that's revoltin, and Boondoglgle is a revoltin' kind of mule. He don't care so much what you think is right as he does about what he thinks is right. Rebellin' is when you want to hurt somebody and revoltin' is when you want to help yourself. So in a funny way, rebellin' is when you say 'no' and revoltin' is when you say 'yes.' Rebellin' is when you fail at revoltin'. Mules are famous critters for rebellin', but Boondoggle is famous because he's a choice-makin' mule."

Close to the Bone: Life-Threatening Illness as a Soul Journey

2010-08-22T12:48:00.000-04:00

Close to the Bone: Life-Threatening Illness as a Soul Journey by Jean Shinoda Bolen, M.D.

My mother-in-law has given birth to five babies, miscarried one, and has been present at the births of at least 3 other babies. She has also been present with at least 3 or 4 people as they died. She always talks about how the processes are so clearly the reverse of each other - watching the life come into a baby as it starts to breathe; seeing the life leave a dying person as they stop breathing. I have not been present at a death, but what she says makes sense to me.

This isn't a book about birth or dying, exactly. It's about the process the human soul goes through preparing for either birth or - Bolen's main focus - death or recovery from serious illness. In some ways, there isn't a lot of difference between preparing to die or preparing to live or give life. It's a preparation for change from one state of being to a different state of being.

There are many passages in this book I feel enriched by and know I will use in different ways. This is one of my favorites:

"I hope that I can die well - whatever that may mean - when the time comes. . . . When I was pregnant and knew I would be going into labor and delivery for the first time, I also hoped I could do it well. I did not really know what it would be like . . . Just as I wanted a natural childbirth because I wanted to be conscious, so do I want to be conscious at the moment of my death. Some people want to be asleep when they die, just as many women want to be unconscious when they deliver babies. Also, I wanted my newborns to come when they were ready to come, just as I hope to die when I am ready to go."

Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer

2010-08-07T13:26:00.000-04:00

Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth: Her Stories and Hymns from Sumer by Diane Wolkstein and Samuel Noah Kramer

"He put his hand in her hand.
He put his hand to her heart.
Sweet is the sleep of hand-to-hand.
Sweeter still the sleep of heart-to-heart."

p.43

That's my personal favorite stanza in the poems :-)

This is a rich, textured, complex text - both the translated poems from ancient Sumer, but also the commentary. I enjoyed it. It makes so much more sense than the very cryptic version I read on-line more than a year ago. I'm also glad to have read more of the context of the Inanna's Descent story we use in Birthing From Within classes.

I want to tell Inanna's story many more times so I get it more and more deeply!

The Transition to Parenthood

2010-07-18T15:58:00.000-04:00

The Transition to Parenthood: How a First Child Changes a Marriage, Why Some Couples Grow Closer and Others Apart by Jay Belsky, Ph.D. and John Kelly.

This was a fascinating read in many ways. I think as a married person with children I could hardly help but reflect on my own marriage and parenting in reading it (fortunately, my husband concurs with me that our marriage has improved since we had children, rather than declined.)

One question that occurred to me right away was to wonder about the diversity (or lack thereof) of the population Dr. Belsky's study was based on. Although he talks about differences in parents' ages, religious views, and educational/work backgrounds, he doesn't ever mention race or sexual orientation. Or, except by inference, class or financial status. It's also disconcerting to me that he does not take into account the birth experiences of his subjects (something I would expect to bear some relationship to the outcomes he is interested in.)

After a while, though, I realized that another question I have to ask is about generational change. Dr. Belsky's study was conducted with couples in my parents' and parents-in-law's generation. I think some things have changed in the last 30 years that have some bearing on his study findings, especially in the realm of gender role expectations. Of course gender role expectations are still relevant to marital satisfaction; but for most of my peers, there are (sometimes subtle, sometimes not) differences in how those expectations were formed and play out compared to our parents. Unless we grew up in or have chosen a fairly extreme social conservatism of one sort or another, it's rare for any of us (male or female) to be unrepentant Traditionalists about gender roles. The vast majority of us are some sort of Transitionalist or Egalitarian, and there is probably more variation in what those two terms might encompass than there was 30 years ago.

I'm convinced of the importance of the new parenthood transition - but maybe not a lot wiser about how to help it positively in situ.

Labyrinth of Birth: Creating a Map, Meditations and Rituals for Your Childbearing Year

2010-07-13T20:12:00.000-04:00

Labyrinth of Birth: Creating a Map, Meditations and Rituals for Your Childbearing Year by Pam England.

Hurray, it's finally out! I've been waiting for this book for a couple of months and I'm so excited that it's finally here (note to self: go write review on Amazon . . .)

And it's wonderful. I have already been using the LabOrynth (birth labyrinth) in my childbirth classes and with doula clients. I've even shared the model as applicable to all kinds of transitions with my religious education colleagues. But I found lots of things that will enrich my sharing in this book.

Things I especially like: the Mother and Child labyrinths from the Hopi people. The Animal Labyrinths of the ancient Nazca people. A picture of a pregnant woman with labyrinths and spirals drawn all over her body, making me want to try that as a mehndi pattern on a live pregnant woman. A deeper understanding of the footprint part of the LabOrinth. Awesome description of Ovarian Breathing. For whatever reason, the whole section on death & rebirth. the LabOrinth Birth Story. Inspiration to make myself a clay labyrinth. And Most of All: the collection of "seeds" in the back of the book!

The quote that calls to me:

"It is an act of humility to ask the Mother to take your grief and pain because it is too great to heal by yourself." (p. 82)

The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book: A Complete Guide to the Ancient Wisdoms

2010-07-06T13:22:00.000-04:00

The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book: A Complete Guide to the Ancient Wisdoms by Allan Hardman.

I am not especially drawn to the Toltec path. I'm not particularly bothered by it; I agree with many of its tenants. But I don't see myself as enslaved by my mind, very much anyway. I don't feel a great longing for freedom that I don't have, most of the time. Maybe this is because I was raised by someone interested in personal and spiritual growth, who shared many of her learnings with her children. And I was raised in a faith tradition that values each person's search for truth and meaning, without directing one path or one right way. And as an adult, I've done my own spiritual work, pretty intensively, for over 12 years. Maybe all these things have gotten me somewhere. I am aware that I am still growing and learning and strongly desire to keep doing so. But the metaphors of the Toltec Masters aren't particularly evocative for me.

I think the most useful thing for me about this book is the last chapter: a description of a spiritual journey through Teotihuacan - which is very evocative. I love seeing another path into the mystery, and how it marches along and diverges from others I am familiar with (Innana's journey to the underworld and twelve step traditions, especially.)

Women's Ways of Knowing

2010-06-22T15:46:00.000-04:00

Women's Ways of Knowing: The Development of Self, Voice, and Mind by Belenky, Clinchy, Goldberger, and Tarule.

My scholar self really enjoyed this book.

"People discourse to one another; they gossip with . . ." (p. 116)

"Patience," says the writer Simone de Beauvoir, is one of those "'feminine' qualities which have their origin in our oppression but should be preserved after our liberation." (p. 117)

"The pattern of discourse that women have developed, however, may best be considered as an appropriate response to women's work. The care of children, or maternal practice, gives rise to maternal thought . . . Many mothers interview their children, rather than lecture . . . Question posing . . . is central to maternal practice in its most evolved form . . . at the heart of connected knowing." (p. 189)

Questions to Awaken Your Creative Power to the Fullest

2010-06-08T15:25:00.000-04:00

Questions to Awaken Your Creative Power to the Fullest by Michele Cassou.

"Judgements point out to you where you are closing the door to your creativity." (p.27)

I am very, very resistant to the philosophy of process painting. Learning about it and doing it are part of the process for certification as a Birthing From Within Mentor, though, so I'm being "forced" to push into this resistance . . .

I know my judgements about process painting close the doors to some creativity. I do. But my judgements are really strong. I have really strong "agreements" or rules about this. But I'm not at all sure what they all are.

Here are some preliminary guesses . . .

Rule: creativity is relational. What I create is not just for me. It's for the community I'm embedded in.

Rule: a beautiful thing is more beautiful if it is also functional. I.e., when I create something, I don't want it to be only aesthetically pleasing. I want it to be useful, too.

Rule: corollary: time spent on creativity must be useful (produce income, entertain others, etc.) - not "just for me"

I'm not phrasing these very judgementally, but there are strong judgements embedded there.

I also found this book an interesting one to read at the same time as another one I'm reading: Women's Ways of Knowing. One of the things the authors of that book talk about is where knowing comes from: not-knowing, knowing based on external authority, knowing based on internal authority . . . it seems to me that Cassou is reacting to common ideas about where it is okay for artistic knowing to come from. More on that later.

Bestfeeding: How to Breastfeed Your Baby

2010-06-05T17:06:00.001-04:00

Bestfeeding: How to Breastfeed Your Baby by Mary Renfrew, Chloe Fisher, and Suzanne Arms.

What a lovely book! So straight-forward. I think it would have been useful to me as a first-time mom; maybe even the second or third time around.

However, I would like to recognize a bit more ambiguity in my work with mothers than this book allows.

"Breastfeeding should never hurt, and if it does, it means you're doing it wrong," is one of the basic messages. That may be thoughtful, honest, intelligent, but I'm not sure it's necessary or kind. My own experience of breastfeeding the first time around was that it did hurt, a lot, for at least 6 weeks. And sometimes after that for another 6 weeks or so. I probably was doing some things wrong. But what I was doing right was persisting, getting to know my baby, working with him, telling him and myself we could do it . . .. In retrospect it would have been nice to know that his latch was lazy, I had a mild over-supply, and block feeding would help tremendously. On the other hand, I probably would not have listened if anyone had told me these things. For whatever reason, I believe he and I needed to work it out together, learning how to do it together. It was in some way part of our bonding process. And we made it.

My hope in working with mothers is to encourage their learning process as new mothers - whatever that includes. Simple, clear advice from me is good, and I should know the facts such as they are. But I never want to forget that the mother and baby's nursing relationship is not mine. It's theirs. And I am only incidental to it.

Sisters on a Journey: Portraits of American Midwives

2010-06-01T18:00:00.000-04:00

Sisters on a Journey: Portraits of American Midwives by Penfield Chester.

I feel I have been given a treasure in this book; reading it felt nurturing and joyful.

Possibly in part because I began reading it at a birth (I was the sibling doula and the sibling was asleep.)

"Medical ethics are all about power - doctors' authority over patients, policing each other, shepherding the patient through the process - which doesn't have anything to do with what we [midwives] do. We are basically grounded in an ethic of relationship, in interaction and honesty. ... There is a discussion of how one makes an ethical decision based on one's values, and that's why we can't have an explicit ethics statement because everyone's decisions and how they act is dependent upon their social, cultural, racial, religious, and class background." p. 122 (Anne Frye)

"I would describe that one is either codependent with one's fellow humans, or co-creative with God." (p. 147, Faith Gibson)

I just want to keep the whole interview with Candace Whitridge and read it over and over again. I've never heard of her before, but it's so full of things I need to remember and know. One example is the recounting of an African folktale about birth (which I think I have heard before). "It's a one-person log. Only one person can get on this log." (p. 240)

After the Baby's Birth . . . A Woman's Way to Wellness

2010-05-23T18:28:00.001-04:00

After the Baby's Birth . . . A Woman's Way to Wellness: A Complete Guide for Postpartum Women by Robin Lim

I have a very clear memory of my first "postpartum visit". I was only 3 1/2 (my mother was visiting this weekend and I asked her to help me date this memory). We went to visit a friend of my mother's who had just had a baby. I remember that we had to be quiet because she was resting. My mother explained to me that she needed lots of rest so she could make milk for her baby (who was very new.) It's amazing to me that I remember this occasion so clearly - I do have other clear memories from about that age, but most of my distinct memories date from when I was 5 or older.

Anyway, I think this is the first book I've ever read specifically about the postpartum period. But it's a topic I feel I know a lot about by osmosis and experience. And from that experience, this book seemed incredibly naive to me. Here's a quote: "What to you may seem like a giant problem actually may be a tiny obstacle." (Referring to breastfeeding.) Sure, that's possible. It's also possible that it really is a giant problem, or that it will continue being a giant problem until you gain some real knowledge, skills, and experience.

Oddly, the section I liked most is the part at the end about difficult postpartums: after miscarriage, after abortion, after placing a child for adoption, with a baby who dies or has significant health issues. Somehow the naivete there seems light and real, whereas in much of the rest of the book, it just reads as denial to me.

I do like the very complete and clear instructions for postpartum exercises including gentle, yogic and other energetic style moving meditations. And I learned a new term: milk fever (see http://www.growingwell.com/motherscorner/bfproblems.htm.) Apparently, what Ms. Lim means by this is not what most people mean by this (mastitis in humans, calcium deficiency in cows/sheep/etc). But an interesting obscure fact!

Mamatoto

2010-05-11T21:36:00.000-04:00

Mamatoto: a Celebration of Birth by Carroll Dunham and the Body Shop Team.

I read this because it's mentioned in one of my Birthing From Within resources; it is a lovely coffee-table book. And there are many interesting tidbits of cross-cultural information in it. Unfortunately, it is not annotated - i.e., there is no way to go find out more about any of these tidbits easily.

My favorite feature of the book are the "black pages" at the end of each chapter - with a note about something you don't want to know - a fact about birth that is not happy, shiny, or lovely in any way.

Unconditional Parenting

2010-05-01T12:13:00.001-04:00

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn.

I had very mixed reactions to this book. On the one hand, I agree with the philosophy he's explaining and justifying with research. On the other hand, he's dogmatic, and directive. I don't respond well to dogmatic and directive. And it seems kind of counter to his argument, besides.

I feel given the courage of my convictions, though. I informed my son this week that I'm not giving out rewards for things he ought to do anyway. And I can see other gradual changes I might make in my own parenting choices.

My Voice Will Go With You

2010-04-24T14:36:00.000-04:00

My Voice Will Go With You: The Teaching Tales of Milton H. Erickson, edited & with commentary by Sidney Rosen.

Very useful, helpful book for me!

Here is a quote I loved:

"Too many therapists think that they must direct the change and help the patient to change. Therapy is like starting a snowball rolling at the top of a mountain. As it rolls down, it grows larger and larger and becomes an avalanche that fits the shape of the mountain." (p. 56)

And another one: "I think it's very important to take the patient seriously and meet his wishes. Not to exercise cold, hard judgment. And recognize that people need to learn things, that you really aren't competent to teach them all the things they need. That they can learn a lot on their own." (p. 122)

"You also ought to learn that it's not what you do, it's not what you say, but what the patient does, what the patient understands." (p. 154)

"Erickson's attitude indicated his belief that he could deal incisively with whatever situation arose. If the situation called for confrontation, he knew that he could do that. If it called for kindness, he could be kind . . . he had confidence in his ability to handle situations. We are free to identify with this feeling ourselves and to be more assertive." (p. 233)

There are a few stories in there I love either personally or because I know already that I will use them with parents or others. One is called '"Auto"-Hypnosis' - it describes a woman who pays Erickson to sit in his driveway in her car and think through her problem while imagining that he's in the car with her. She's her own therapist - but needs the outside catalyst of sitting in his driveway. Another is called 'Glare Ice' - Erickson teaches a man with an artificial leg how to walk on treacherous ice by confusing his senses and then leading him over the ice (while he doesn't know he's on the ice.)

The idea of initiating a small change to deal with a big problem is powerfully illustrated in a number of stories ('Claustrophobia' for one.)

Joining the patient is an interesting theme, too (well rendered in 'Ruth').

Probably my favorite story is 'Pearson's Brick'. A doctor experiences an accidental skull injury. If only Dr. Erickson were here, he thinks, but since he is not the doctor pulls himself together and gets himself to medical help on his own. Then he dictates the course of his own treatment, and recovers far more quickly than others expect. I know I will use this story with families who are struggling (or whom I think may need to struggle) with who is in charge of their birth: them, or their medical care providers?

There are also a couple of stories that I find offensive. My perspective on sexuality is very liberal and open-minded - but also based in firm values, including mutuality and respect. There are a couple of stories relating to sexual dysfunction in which the (apparently "successful") therapeutic approach does not create mutuality or respectful relationships, and it bothers me. However, I recognize that like everything else, attitudes and values about sexuality are products of the time and place they arise in, and I don't think that Erickson's contemporaries would have had the same reaction to these stories I did.

I had two experiences while or shortly after reading this book that I'd like to share.

I was lying on my bed reading and my middle child (almost 4 years old) came into the room yelling at his brother and swinging a large, heavy bat (don't ask - this sort of thing just happens at our house). More or less unintentionally, but not accidentally, he whacked me on the foot with it. I got up, grabbed the bat & put it away, and told him he was going to be sorry in a "big mama" kind of voice. He ran away and curled up on the couch, hiding his head under his arms. I went after him and sat down across from him. "When is it a good idea to hit someone?" I demanded. "Never," he said in a small, angry voice. "Are you a smart kid?" I demanded, several times, before a despairing, whimpered, "No," came from my child. At this point I picked him up and hugged him and reassured him that I still loved him. And that he is smart, because he knows hitting people isn't a good idea. And that knowing something and being able to do it are two different things sometimes. Within a couple of minutes he was ready to do something else - no fit, as there often is in situations like this. I'm darned if I can tell you why what I did worked. Or exactly how it is related to being in the middle of this book. But I know it did, and it was. I think what this experience shows me is that I do have the instincts or subconscious understanding of how to do this stuff (teaching tales, hypnosis, catalytic therapy) and if I have the confidence to apply it, it works.

The other is that yesterday, I was speaking with someone who's been involved in an uncomfortable email exchange with several others and myself recently. We were talking about how it's hard to convey meaning in email and misunderstandings can occur. I shared a story from the book about Erickson using sub-vocal cues to mislead a psychic to illustrate the point that there is much non-verbal communication that simply can't happen in email, and it was helpful in my conversation.

Finally, this book did bring up a recurring question for me about doing things that seem distinctly therapeutic and counseling oriented as a childbirth mentor and doula. My background as a church professional has taught me to be wary of providing counseling or therapy beyond fairly carefully constructed boundaries because I am not a trained counselor or therapist. I'm supposed to refer to a skilled psychiatrist or psychologist for anything beyond a one-time (or other brief interval) solution-focused pastoral visit. So I'm just wondering about what my boundaries are and should be as a mentor & doula.

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering

2010-04-13T16:33:00.000-04:00

Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: A Doctor's Guide to Natural Childbirth and Gentle Early Parenting Choices by Sarah J. Buckley, MD.

There are some things I loved about this book. It's got good, detailed summaries of what current research shows about the 'hormone cocktail' of labor, about appropriate management of the third stage of labor (dealing with the placenta), and about the neuroscience of attachment in early infancy. I "knew" this stuff from reading about it on-line and in the press - but it's very useful to have it all laid out (and official looking.)

Sometimes, though, hearing all the "evidence" about any subject, even if I've done everything "right", raises my anxiety level. Too much information, my brain seems to signal. Overload. Shut down now. I guess I wish Buckley had gone a little further towards trusting parents to make the choices that are right for them, whether those choices match the state of current research or not. She's definitely waving in that direction, but she's not all the way there.

What good does it do to choose the "right" thing if it leaves you or your partner or your child uneasy or unhappy or in conflict with someone or something important to you?

Baby Catcher

2010-04-05T11:42:00.000-04:00

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife by Peggy Vincent.

I had read bits of this book before, but on the recommendation of Rixa Freeze I thought I'd try it again.

I still didn't really like much of it. I felt Vincent focused way too much on the "drama" of birth - the transfers, the near-misses or disasters, her experience being sued out of private practice.

However, there was one bit, in a description of her own birth-giving experience, that is absolute dynamite:

"The next contraction came grinding down on me, but it felt different. A white-hot hole of knowledge opened in my pain. I saw that in my effort to get around or under the pain, I'd been avoiding that central point of intensity, staying on the bring of the primitive surrender that's required to get a stubborn baby out. I'd talked hundreds of women into taking that leap of faith, that shut-your-eyes-and-jump moment of bravery. Like a girl standing on the high dive, walking back and forth the length of the board, shivering, going to the brink again to stare down into the water so far below - and then she's off, airborne. Free.

With sudden clarity, I knew it would have to hurt more before it got better. I wouldn't be able to circumvent the pain. I had to go through it, enter willingly into the void, holding nothing back. I had to jump off the diving board."

That's it. That's Finding the Center, one of the Birthing From Within pain-coping practices, in a nutshell. I've now used this passage in a class with parents, and I felt it really worked. I'll use it again!

A Gentle & Mindful Transition to Parenthood

2010-04-03T18:02:00.000-04:00

Our Birthing From Within Keepsake Journal by Pan England, Section Eight: A Gentle & Mindful Transition to Parenthood and Section Nine: Preserving Memories of Your Pregnancy & Birth.

I have used the Postpartum Expectations exercise with parents in my childbirth classes several times. I like it, but I'm looking to branch out. I really love the looks of the Penny Game and maybe I'll try it in the next couple of weeks. If I do, I'll try to come back and comment on this post to share how it went.

Personally, I recognized that I need to work on following my bliss in ways other than being goal oriented. I'm doing well at focusing on goals that are important to me; I need to do better at allowing myself time to just be and just be creative.

I love the Joseph Campbell stuff about marriage. I wonder how I could use it?

And I drew my baby! It's not a very "good" drawing, but it was an interesting process - AND, even though it is very technically imperfect, it does LOOK like her to me.

Gestating Parenthood

2010-04-03T16:59:00.000-04:00

Birthing From Within, by Pam England, Section VII: Gestating Parenthood.

On a personal level, it was very interesting revisiting this section after my most recent birth and postpartum period. The postpartum transition was especially difficult for me after my second child was born; this time after the birth of my third child has been, conversely, wonderful and healing. Re-reading the reminders to care for oneself as a new parent, for one's relationship as new parent-partners, and to be careful about how you remember your birth experience affirmed for me that my partner and I did learn from experience and do things differently in a way that worked better for us, this time.

On a professional level, re-reading this section reminded me to consider carefully leaving enough time in my class series to focus on the importance of the postpartum transition period. There is so much to do in a class - never enough time for it all - but this stuff is important.

On a practical note: the internet makes setting up postpartum help from family and friends MUCH easier than it was even 12 years ago when BFW was published. Here are some great sites you or a family member or friend can use to set up an interactive calendar of helpers for meals or more after your baby is born:

http://www.carecalendar.org/

http://www.foodtidings.com/

https://www.mealbaby.com/index.php

http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/

Personal Objectives for Advanced Level

2010-02-16T18:31:00.000-05:00

"You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

. . . the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting . . . "

- Mary Oliver

I want to do work that brings me joy AND well-being, that is challenging, that makes me learn and grow and that I don't already know how to do. This work is not walking on my knees through the desert,though. I want to do what I'm called to do not despite the other callings of my life, but with them.

My long-term vision is to bring a deeper understanding of caring for families welcoming children to congregations and ministers, especially Unitarian Universalists. Certification as a Mentor is only a first step on that journey. This work is the foundation-building for that house. To reach the whole vision I'll need to learn more about adoption and pastoral care as it's understood and practiced in Unitarian Universalist churches. And I'll need a Master's degree, most likely an M.Div., to be truly taken seriously in those 'temples'.

That building is a long way off. But the work with parents is a wellspring.

I did a drawing to see what would come of these ideas in pastels on paper:

Obviously, this is the goal, the objective, not reality. In reality, many times not everyone is smiling at the same time. In reality, there're fewer stacks of fat cash!

The questions which float up to me from my image making are these:

Where and what are the obstacles in my way?

Am I now an apprentice or a Journeyman?

And what would Mastery mean?

My formal OBJECTIVES:

Continue to build my experience and skill in mentoring parents
Get certified!
Learn, learn, learn about all things pregnancy, birth, and parenting
Break even or better financially
Connect with other wonderful mentors & colleagues
Learn about myself in this 'mirror'

Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting

2010-01-07T15:12:00.001-05:00

by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn

I chose this book off of my library shelves . . . I was looking for something to help me as I move deeper into parenting three children, all under 5 until next month.

I found it deeply reassuring. The writing is very non-judgmental most of the time. The authors seem to truly believe and understand that every parent is different, every child is different, every family dynamic is different, and there is no one right way to do this thing - only tools they can share with parents seeking a mindful path.

I have a child (my oldest) who is very "high needs". He has been incredibly intense and demanding since birth. And challenging to me, as a parent. I have read a lot of parenting books over the years. Most of them have left me feeling, "well, that's nice, but it doesn't really apply and wouldn't really work with [my son], even if it's a good idea for most kids (even my other kids)." (Or, let's be honest, sometimes I'm thinking "what, are they crazy? Who would this work with?" LOL!) This book wasn't like that at all. I felt that most of the discussion was just as relevant to how I parent my oldest as it was to how I parent my other two, more 'typical' children.

Which brings me to my other thought about this book: I love that it is truly about how parents parent, not about how to parent to change your child in xyz way. I don't believe it's our job as parents to change our children. Sometimes our job is to help our children change themselves. Our job is always to change ourselves as parents to best adapt to the situations we find ourselves in.

I'm going to post quotes from the book as Status Updates on the Larger Circle Facebook Page. If you aren't a Fan yet, become one!

New Website is Up!

2009-11-25T12:04:00.001-05:00

While I will still use this blog for blogging purposes, if you are looking for more information about me and my doula or childbirth education services, please visit:

www.largercircle.org

Thanks!

The Labor Progress Handbook, 2nd Edition

2009-05-29T11:28:00.000-04:00

by Penny Simkin and Ruth Ancheta

Wow. This book is so useful, especially for someone like me whose mind works best in a linear, graphic way. Starting with definitions and moving from before labor through pre-labor, early labor, active labor, to second stage, the authors explore why and how labor can be dysfunctional and what to do to restore it to functionality. There are also sections with specific descriptions of maternal positions and movements, and comfort measures.

I do know, however, that in labor or when with a woman in labor, one doesn't necessarily use the information laid out here in such a linear A-B-C way. Intuition plays a big role, and communication, in deciding what to actually do in the moment when something is making a labor difficult and long. Oftentimes, though, I think birth attendants can feel just as "stuck" as the mom does when things are not going smoothly, and having the information in this book (or maybe even the book itself!) at hand to get some new ideas working could be a huge help at those times.

Wise Woman Herbal for the Childbearing Year

2009-05-29T11:19:00.001-04:00

by Susun S. Weed

I loved this book. It really appealed to my emotional roots in the semi-counter-culture of the 80's, where I spent a lot of time as a child absorbing the cool differentness of my parents and their friends.

It's also actually a useful resource :-) It describes the properties and uses of a variety of herbs in a variety of forms for a variety of problems and/or needs during the time just before, during, and just after pregnancy. While I have read other books which include herbal remedies for childbearing, I felt this book gave me a better sense of herbs as medicine and how to use them as such in a way that respects their potency and potential for benefit . . . and harm. I also appreciated the detailed instructions on how to find, prepare, and store herbs for medicinal use.

One thing I did notice was that there is not a lot of explanation of why herbs work. That is a little off-putting to the scholar-huntress in me. I want to understand why and how things work, and I like it when people experiment and find empirical evidence for what they think and what they think works. That is not the place the author of this book is coming from. The herbalist tradition, at least as she presents it, is one of inherited wisdom which can be added to by an herbalist's personal experience, but which does not really need to be skeptically verified. I respect this perspective, but it's not one I choose for myself very often.

Pregnancy & Birth: The Best Evidence - Making Decisions that Are Right for You and Your Baby

2009-05-15T09:34:00.000-04:00

by Joyce Barrett, MD, and Teresa Pitman

I think this would be a great book for libraries to have (mine didn't) and for me to have to share with parents I'm working with if they are the sort of parents who are very interested in research and making the "right" choice. Although since the book is almost 10 years old at this point, I might prefer to send people to a resource like The Cochrane Collaboration which is at least in theory updated regularly.

Many topics are unlikely to change over time, however - the risks and benefits of, say, episiotomy, aren't going to suddenly reverse in predominance. It's more the stuff that hadn't been researched 10 years ago that might be out of date.

The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Safe and Satisfying Birth

2009-05-14T12:12:00.000-04:00

By William Sears, MD and Martha Sears, RN

This book is, of course, a classic, and I've read it a couple of times before.

What I noticed reading through (most of) it this time was the spirit of it: it's a spirit of fighting for what you want/believe is right, and of seeking for the information you need. And the Searses believe that they know what you should want/believe is right/information you need. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but I can see how it might feel judging to some people in some circumstances, which I'm not sure I've seen or understood before.

I was interested in the biochemical/mechanical explanation of why relaxation in labor is important to pain coping. It makes sense; and I still kind of wonder about the emphasis on relaxation. My personal experience tells me that no matter how relaxed I am, I'm still going to experience cervical stretching as painful, and that for me, more active pain coping practices will work better.

But I'm not the only kind of person in the world. And so I'm inspired to keep working to improve my ability to help women labor who need more active ways of laboring, and those who need my help or encouragement to relax.

The Complete Book of Pregnancy & Childbirth

2009-05-09T15:21:00.000-04:00

I'm doing my doula reading . . .

The Complete Book of Pregnancy & Childbirth (4th Edition) by Sheila Kitzinger is beautifully written. It's innocent, poetic, and inspiring.

It also drove me kind of nuts.

Reading it reminded me of this scenario: imagine a parent teaching her teenage child to drive. She wants to be positive and encouraging, and so as her child is driving along she says something like this, "Oh, honey, I'm so excited that you're learning to drive! It's going to be so great for you to be able to get places on your own! You're getting so mature and WATCH OUT FOR THAT CURB!"

Much of the text is very problem focused. I like it better than, say, What to Expect When You're Expecting because the problems it's focused on are the problems I am personally biased to see as real, rather than those I see as iatrogenic. But I still feel more supported and nourished as a doula, mentor, and human being by authors who help me find solutions that work for me than by those who spend a lot of time pointing out all the things that can go wrong.

There is lots of good information in this book, though, and one particular section really surprised me by describing for the first time I've seen in print or on-line an exact scenario (involving 1st trimester bleeding) which I experienced in my first pregnancy but never really had explained or validated before.

Monsters and Magical Sticks

2009-03-28T13:11:00.001-04:00

Monsters and Magical Sticks: Or There's No Such Thing As Hypnosis? was a really fun read. The author was clearly a smart alec and enjoyed himself being one! I also learned a lot about how we learn. I'd like to check out some of the specifics about brain science with my brother the brain scientist, but it was a fascinating book anyway.

Some of the techniques seemed like I'd have to do a LOT of practice to be able to use them effectively. Some seemed much more intuitive.

I feel much better prepared to deal with it if I am ever again asked if my Birthing From Within classes use hypnosis (which I was, once, by someone who clearly saw hypnosis as a tool of the devil.) The answer is clearly no, if you are thinking of hypnosis as something someone does to someone else that could make them behave in ways against their will or character. But another way to understand hypnosis is a kind of self-induced meditative state; and we do help people learn how this kind of lightly altered consciousness can help them cope with pain and enhance their ability to connect with their sources of spiritual strength.

Point Zero

2009-03-28T13:04:00.000-04:00

The whole title of the book is Point Zero: Creativity Without Limits, by Michelle Cassou. While I am sure I have things to learn from this book (and I have high hopes that I will at the workshop) my gut reaction to it was highly negative. I think creativity needs some limits, most of the time in most contexts. One of the author's metaphors is that when painting, one should look out for three "dragons": of product, control, and meaning. Well, I can see that for a certain kind of meditative creativity, it's important to be able to let go of product, control, and meaning. However, for much of life and even for much art, there are reasons why we are and should be concerned with product, control, and meaning. You don't get the Sistine Chapel without limits of intending a certain product, control of technique, and without intending certain meanings. You don't get good results in cooking, or most music-making, or working with human beings without these limits, either.

Most disturbing to me was a story in which the author talks about taking a whole week to spend all day every day from sunrise to sunset painting by herself. She waxes euphoric about how wonderful the experience was. And then she says that at the end of each day she returned home to her baby too tired to even feed herself and curled up with him to sleep. For me, this creativity needs some limits of responsible relationship with other people, especially her baby!

Awakening the Heroes Within

2009-03-28T12:57:00.000-04:00

Awakening the Heroes Within by Carol S. Pearson is fascinating to me. It's basically Jungian in that it posits twelve archetypes which people/communities/cultures move through in a spiral fashion throughout their lifespans. I love paradigms of this sort; they appeal to the way my mind works.

Apparently, for what it's worth, I am strongest in my Magician archetype, closely followed by Creator, Sage, Ruler and Lover. I could use some work on my Orphan and Destroyer archetypes.

We were only supposed to read about the first four (including Orphan) so I have yet to learn exactly what this means ;-P

Innana's Descent to the Underworld

2009-03-28T12:46:00.000-04:00

A goddess goes on her sister's (?) behalf to the underworld to observe her brother-in-law's death rites (?) and tells her helper to go plead on her behalf to other gods if she doesn't come back in a timely fashion. On her way into the underworld, she is literally stripped and figuratively stripped of her powers, and then killed by the goddess who rules the underworld. So her helper goes and asks the gods for help, one of whom sends some creatures. They go into the underworld and help the goddess who rules there (who is in pain as if in childbirth) so she offers them whatever they want. They take the first goddess's corpse and bring it back to life; however, she is followed out of the underworld by some demons. The demons try to take her helper and then her sons, none of whom she will let them have. Finally, she gives the demons her husband, who appears to have been entirely unbothered by her disappearance, and they take him back to the underworld in her place.

It's quite confusing. It's also some of the required reading for my workshop next week, so I'll be fascinated to see how Birthing From Within interprets the tale. I can think of some interpretations, but it's the kind of text that is opaque enough to allow almost an infinite number of possibilities unless you know a LOT more than I do about the context it was created in (probably unless you know more about that context than anyone really does, considering that the story comes from roughly 5,000 - 6,000 years ago.)

Brief Coaching for Lasting Solutions

2009-03-16T10:09:00.000-04:00

I'm gearing up for my Level 2 Workshop through Birthing From Within - very exciting! To prepare, I'm supposed to read a bunch of books (all in the next two weeks - ack!)

Last night I plowed through Brief Coaching for Lasting Solutions, by Insoo Kim Berg and Peter Szabo. There is a lot of great stuff in there, but I could wish there were a book with similar content focused on some form of human relationships other than business and the work world. For me, family dynamics are so much more powerful and compelling than the dynamics of the office!

Anyway, I think I have a better understanding now of what coaching is, compared to counseling or other forms of therapeutic talk interactions. And I can certainly see how the philosophy of this work applies to my work with families preparing to welcome babies! The assumptions are that the client knows what s/he needs, how to get it, and what strategies will work best - but may not know it. The coach's job is to elicit this knowing from the client, and encourage experiments with changing behavior. Totally exactly the approach I want to have with the families I work with!

My favorite quote, which I've read out loud to various family members:

"Having been a taxi driver during my student days, asking clients where they wanted to go was the most natural thing to do, since my task was to take clients where they wanted to go, not where I thought they should go. If a customer wanted me to take him to a bar, it never occurred to me to take him to his home and wife instead. The same rule applies to coaching."

Twelve Months to Your Ideal Private Practice: A Workbook

2009-02-11T16:16:00.000-05:00

Twelve Months to Your Ideal Private Practice: A Workbook by Lynn Grodski was inspiring to me! I really want to dive in and start doing the exercises; unfortunately, I know deep inside that now is NOT the time to actually do that. I'm just coming out of my first trimester of pregnancy, and before I start ANYTHING new I need to reassemble my life to a state resembling functionality (you know, take my Christmas tree down - NO I AM NOT KIDDING!)

However, I do think I will use this book. It's practical (which appeals to me), has a lot of innovative ideas (at least to me, who knows very little about business), and offers some good metrics for how things should work in a small business (like percentages for expenses, time to work on "office" stuff, etc.) I think it will work for me. I wish I could convince some other small business people I know and love to work through it with me, but I know from past experience that you can't give away what others aren't looking for . . ..

A good read. (And if you are a small business person who would be interested in working through this book with me, let me know . . .)

Blue Truth

2009-02-10T12:03:00.000-05:00

Blue Truth: A spiritual guide to life & death and love & sex by David Deida is very interesting. Reading it, I thought that the way I would probably get the most out of it would be as a recorded meditation guide. I could play a chapter a day as a relaxation/meditation focus. It's very stream-of-consciousness-ish, and so it's hard for me to sit and concentrate on more than a chapter at a time . . .

Here is my favorite quote:

"Freedom doesn't mean freedom from. As long as you are alive, you can never be free from pain, from loss, or from death. Things come and go, including your loved ones and your own body and mind. True freedom means freedom as. True freedom is to feel fully and be alive as love, feeling as this entire moment, opening just as this moment is." (p. 17)

There are also various passages which come close to describing something I have often done throughout my life. When I was 15 I was mugged, and lived with a lot of fear for a long time afterwards. Eventually, I learned to . . . take my fear with me. To go ahead, and walk down the street or into a dark room by myself, wearing my fear like a cloak. Yes, I am afraid, but I am going on anyway. I think David Deida is talking about something similar, only with many emotions and situations.

Pam England's LabOrinth Articles

2009-01-28T15:08:00.000-05:00

Here's a link: http://www.birthingfromwithin.com/laborinth_professionals

Pam England, author of Birthing From Within and founder of the Birthing From Within organization, wrote up her thoughts on LabOrinths - i.e., the symbolism of labyrinths and how it relates to labor. I particularly love the images of the Hindu Yantra (a visual labyrinth women can follow with their eyes during or between contractions) and the image of the threshold stone at New Grange.

Go check it out!

Art is a Way of Knowing

2009-01-28T13:10:00.000-05:00

Art is a Way of Knowing by Pat B. Allen is a wonderful book. I read it in one sitting, which is saying something considering that reading exacerbates my nausea at the moment :-P

I want to copy some quotes that leapt out at me and which I want to remember for my work:

"Emotion is a physical experience. When we are physically unaware, we have limited access to our emotions. Paying attention to how our body feels and adjusting our movements to create the most enjoyable sensation helps to increase our access. We shut off access to our emotions because of experiences of fear in our lives. By gently listening to our bodily cues and responding to them with small adjustments, we create trust in ourselves." p. 29

"Images that are necessary to us come in all sorts of ways, for the soul never tires of trying to make itself known." p. 33

"Patient waiting is sometimes a big part of image making, just resting in not knowing and trusting that eventually, if I maintain my connection to a piece and don't abandon it, resolution will eventually come." p. 35

"We owe it to the world to be as alive as we can, to give what is unique in us to give. Art is a way of knowing our gift and learning how to give it." p. 50

"They weren't crazy, although Jung especially seemed to realize that there is risk in images. It's not a process of total control. He talked about the need for stable supports in a regular life to anchor himself when he lowered down in the unconscious." p. 66

"This seeing without recoiling is what undoes judgment, I think. If I look long enough, can I get to forgiveness? . . . He is an informed witness who knows something about dark and light and shadow. He knows and I come to know that everything is about dark and light and shadow. There is no use in denying one or the other." p. 108

"Considering pain as an image that comes through the boy allows us to consider different solutions besides simply taking painkilling medicine. Focusing directly on the pain, having the experience rather than running from it, is often a more successful solution to pain relief." p. 125

"Change, like any other dying, is harder than it looks." p. 169

Birthing From Within

2009-01-17T10:58:00.000-05:00

This is the book that shares the roots of what we are doing as Birthing From Within Mentors, Doulas, and parents. Pam England co-wrote it with her husband, Rob Horowitz, and it is a wonderful guide, starting place, and reference for pregnant and new parents and those who work with them.

I taught my first childbirth education series of classes based primarily on what I had gleaned from this book about art and awakening to the possibilities of birth. My awakening was definitely furthered by the Birthing From Within training I took; but everything is there in kernel or root in the book. I have also shared it with friends who found different parts of it very helpful as they prepared for their births.

The warming attitude that comes across to me from this book is expressed in this slogan: "Labor is hard work; it hurts; and you can do it."

Go read it if you haven't!

Nutrition for a Healthy Pregnancy: The Complete Guide to Eating Before, During, and After Your Pregnancy

2009-01-01T18:13:00.001-05:00

So for my certifcation process I am required to read "a book on prenatal nutrition." You wouldn't think this would be a difficult item to find . . . and it isn't. It's just hard to find one worth reading.

After reviewing the shelves & catalogue at my local library, the midwive's office where I teach my classes, and the local chain bookstore, I settled on Nutrition for a Healthy Pregnancy: The Complete Guide to Eating Before, During, and After Your Pregnancy by Elizabeth Somer, M.A., R.D.

I did very much like the research-based information Ms. Somer included. And the reason I chose this book is that it did present breastfeeding as a positive, normal postpartum baby feeding plan.

I was not, however, greatly impressed by her overall emphasis on low-fat foods, lack of emphasis on the importance of organic foods, or repetativeness. To put it mildly.

Ah, well. I'll keep the book because I really do like the current research based info. But if anyone has a FABULOUS recommendation for a book on prenatal nutrition that was published in the last 5 years or so, let me know!

The Miracle of Mindfulness: A Manual on Meditation

2008-12-28T12:51:00.000-05:00

This little book by Thich Nhat Hanh is a classic now, and I've read it before (for my other credential in religious education, now that I come to think about it . . .) It is very restful reading, but also zestful and inspiring.

Nhat Hanh's teaching stories and descriptions are a good way to start to understand what the practice of mindfulness is. But actually doing the suggested meditations are a better way to find that understanding.

Although I do not practice mindfulness meditation in a formal way, I do practice it informally. Perhaps I would be a better, more whole person if I did do it formally. But it does help me even practiced informally.

I was first introduced to the practice not by this book, but at a retreat I attended. The facilitator was a teacher and practitioner of mindfulness. During the retreat I experienced a true change in awareness about a problem I was struggling with. I experienced the value of staying present with a feeling all the way through, rather than trying to escape it or deny it or change it. I have never forgotten that experience or lesson. It was very powerful, and I don't think I ever will forget it.

Re-reading The Miracle of Mindfulness did make me realize that I would like to read something specifically about parenting mindfully, as I find this little quote from a song which Nhat Hanh shares very true: "Hardest of all is to practice the Way at home, second in the crowd, and third in the pagoda."

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

2008-12-15T13:34:00.001-05:00

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is the book I think everyone who is expecting a baby should read. Period.

Yes, even more so than Birthing From Within.

It is so accessible for so many different kinds of people who are going to want and choose all kinds of different things for their births. And it is so wise.

I can't be critical about it, really. I just love it so much. Even if all people read are the birth stories (which make up the first half of the book) they will learn so much about what is possible in birth. And then, Ina May Gaskin is just a truly Wise Woman. So the second half of the book, which is Ina May explaining why birth works the way it does and what your choices within and outside of the medical establishment are likely to be, is also wonderful and mind-eye-heart opening for anyone.

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth

2008-12-03T13:47:00.000-05:00

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer is one of the most commonly referenced books by people who are interested in natural birth and want to share that interest with someone else (i.e., "what book should I give my cousin who is pregnant and wants to learn about her options?") I can see why. It's an excellent resource, full of useful information, conveyed in a way that is very acceptable to highly educated, intelligent women. It appeals to me, as one of those women.

You can see the table of contents and some sample chapters here.

My one caveat is that it is very information focused. It's not about how to make decisions from the heart; it's about how and why to make decisions from the mind. This is very helpful for people who need to persuade their minds to follow what their hearts are telling them, or who need to persuade family members or friends to support them in following what they know with their minds or hearts to be right for them. It doesn't encourage delving deeper. But that's what Birthing From Within is for :-)

The Birthing From Within Keepsake Journal

2008-11-24T16:32:00.000-05:00

There is still one opening in the December class listed below. If you're interested, please contact me ASAP!

If you register for this or any other class I mentor, you will receive a copy of Our Birthing From Within Keepsake Journal by Pam England. It's a kind of a workbook. We won't start on page one and work through it in class or anything - it's not meant to be a syllabus for Birthing From Within classes. But we'll use some part of it occasionally, and otherwise, it's a gift for you (and your partner if you have one) to explore as you have the time and energy. It asks you to journal, to learn a little bit, and to communicate with your baby and your partner.

I love the idea of the Journal and I love the content. I am not totally thrilled about the format, because I, personally, work much better with a blank page than with lines and decorative borders when I am trying to journal. But this is a very petty complaint. If you are like me, feel free to get yourself a nice blank book to use when actually doing the exercises in the book, or some nice art paper, and just treat the Journal itself as a guide.

The Healing Labyrinth: Finding Your Path to Inner Peace

2008-10-18T13:34:00.000-04:00

Have you ever walked a labyrinth? I have; they have become en vogue in the past decade or so in Unitarian Universalist circles. I have found peace in them, and a way of moving from uncertainty to some knowing of myself. I like them, but I've never led ritual in them. I really liked this book by Helen Raphael Sands in most ways. She does a good job of explaining what labyrinths are, where they come from, and what you can do with them. Also how to make them.

I like the way she sets forth the four parts of a labyrinth journey: The Threshold, Journeying In, The Resting Place, and Journeying Out. I love the pictures - wonderful photographs and a few illustrations grace this volume.

I'm a bit leary of the cross-cultural aspect of labyrinths. I think it's so easy to say, "Oh, look, here's this symbol and process present in cultures across time and across space, let's refer to ALL of those cultures at once when we build/walk ours!" But I'm not sure it's respectful to prepare and energize a labyrinth using elements from paganism, Christianity, Native American tribal culture, AND Hindu chakra work all at once, especially if you don't happen to have any particular training in or connection to some of those traditions. For myself, I know that in order to properly prepare and energize a labyrinth - or use the symbol as a metaphor in my childbirth preparation work - I have to know which traditions I have authentic connection to and consider how to share those meanings and traditions authentically with the people I work with.

I also read Sacred Rituals: Connecting with Spirit through Labyrinths, Sand Paintings, & Other Traditional Arts by Eileen London & Belinda Recio. Similarly, it was a truly lovely book and I learned a lot. Also similarly, I had concerns about multicultural appreciation vs. appropriation.

The Four Agreements

2008-10-13T11:37:00.000-04:00

"Dreaming is the main function of the mind, and the mind dreams twenty-four hours a day.

It dreams when the brain is awake, and it also dreams when the brain is asleep.

The difference is that when the brain is awake, there is a material frame that makes us perceive things in a linear way. When we go to sleep we do not have the frame, and the dream has the tendency to change constantly."

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz fascinated me. It lays out the fundamental world view of the Toltec (intellectual/spiritual leaders in pre-Conquest South/Central America) as experienced by a modern inheritor of that tradition, and how Don Miguel believes that world view can help and heal all people. An "agreement" is a belief or choice we make about how we are going to live. The four agreements are healthy beliefs and choices: be impeccable with your word, don't take anything personally, don't make assumptions, and always do your best.

This book felt like a window into a spiritual tradition which is very different from (in some ways) but very compatible with (in other ways) my own. There were a few things that came up for me in reading it: one was the emphasis on control - I believe control is not desirable in most of life because it isn't truly possible. Ruiz posits control as a desired way of being in the world. Another was that while he talks a lot about the agreements we make within ourselves, and how they construct the way the whole world works, he doesn't talk about the agreements we make explicitly or implicitly with each other. I think those are very important, too. Finally, although I agree with some of what he says about how children experience agreements and become party to them, I don't agree with all of it. His veiwpoint falls into the "children are born innocent and are corrupted (forcibly) by the evil world" camp, and I'm just not sure that's a true view of reality. I think children are born with their own complex and not "innocent" spirits, and shape their families and communities as they shape the children.

But overall I did a lot of saying "right on" in my head while reading this book.

Quotes

2008-10-04T16:09:00.001-04:00

“The memory of pain always recedes. The memory of triumph does not.” – Ani Di Franco

The Birth Partner

2008-09-27T09:28:00.000-04:00

I actually had a hard time believing that I hadn't read this book before. It looked really familiar, but I realized as I delved into it that in fact, this was the first time I'd read this material.

The Birth Partner: Everything You Need to Know to Help a Woman Through Childbirth (2nd Edition) by Penny Simkin, P.T. is terrific. There's so much practical information packed into a very readable text! One thing I really like is the illustrations of different labor positions. I'm pretty familiar with them, but it is helpful to have pictures to look at with a mom instead of having to get into each one to demonstrate them all when time is short. There is a chart showing what medications are in which kinds of commonly offered anesthesia options, when these are usually administered in labor, and benefits and risks. Since I am not a medical professional, this is very helpful information for me when I ask "what kind of epidural are you offering my client?" and the doctor says "blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda " (i.e. names of medications I have no previous experience with.)

Probably the most interesting and challenging part of the book for me is the Pain Medications Preference Scale. This is a scale from 10 to -10: 10 means a mother would prefer not to feel any pain at all, getting anesthesia before labor begins. -10 means a mother would prefer to use of pain medications under any circumstances, even in the case of a cesarean birth. Both of these extremes being nearly impossible to put into practice, most women will fall somewhere in between. The Scale also shows what a birth partner needs to do to help a woman with this preference. The idea is for the mom and the birth partner to each identify their own preferences and support each other appropriately. That is the kicker for me. I know what my personal preference is and I know that many of the women I work with will have a different preference. So far I think I have done okay with that. I really don't feel any urge to judge any one's decision to (or not to) choose pharmaceutical pain relief when it is different than what I think I would decide for myself in a similar situation. But I find that I have sometimes reflexively justified a mother's choice as being one that I would make for myself in a similar situation. And although on the surface that may not cause a mother to feel judged or invalidated, on a deeper level, comparisons are odious. It doesn't matter what I would do if I were the mom. My judgement of that question is irrelevant to what is happening in the moment at a birth, and in the long run, I can see that it could be harmful to impose my judgement, offer my justification for her decision. It matters what I do do as one of her birth partners. My role is to validate her decision making process. What matters is for her to make a decision that is justified in her mind by her own values and preferences. It makes me so mad when a doctor or nurse says, "I would do this for myself/a family member, so it's the right thing to do." Just because it was right/would be right for you doesn't mean it's right for me. I don't want to say that - even subtly and subversively - to the women I am caring for.

The flip side of this is that Penny Simkin is one of the few birthy authors I have read who is really trying to be almost completely value neutral about the "big issues" in the birth world. In this book, at least, she is valuing caring support by a birth partner for a pregnant woman, but she is not expressing any kind of opinion herself about the birth industry and how it functions. While I think this is good in that it makes this book useful for a wider spectrum of people than many other books, I also think that I'm not sure value-neutral is where I want to or can be about the birth industry. Non-judgement of the people participating in the birth industry by having babies isn't the same as non-judgement of the system for me. I need to leave those judgments of the system aside when I enter the birthing space or even the educational space; but I (at least for now) think it's also important for me to recognize the judgements of the system I do hold as I lay them to the side when that's what's needed.

Okay, this one got long. Good stuff!

The Doula Advantage

2008-09-23T11:28:00.000-04:00

I read this book, by the way, while labor-sitting with a wonderful couple who had a very long, very slow labor followed by a very fast 2nd stage and birth.

The Doula Advantage: Your Complete Guide to Having an Empowered and Positive Birth with the Help of a Professional Childbirth Assistant is by Rachel Gurevich. What I found most interesting about it is that it's written from a very different perspective than most "you should have a doula" books: that of the consumer. The author isn't a doula or a midwife or a childbirth educator. She's an editor at a mom-focused website - and a mother. So this is kind of a "consumer reports" version of why and how to have a doula.

I like that she lists a wide variety of doula certification organizations (including Birthing From Within) - so many sources just say "find somebody certfied by DONA". DONA is great, I'm sure, but I have no desire to certify through them. And I am learning a LOT through my certification process with Birthing From Within!

On the other hand, this seems like kind of a "lightweight" book to me. I guess because it's focused on ONLY doulas and why you might want one and how to get one. There is so much to learn and think about and experience around birth besides a doula that it felt strange to read a book that really doesn't address (in any depth) the kinds of choices and experiences a doula is supposed to help a woman negotiate.

One little thing that struck me as odd was her injunction against meeting with a doula you're thinking of hiring in your home. She really doesn't say why she thinks this is a bad idea, and honestly, I think it's a good idea assuming you've screened the person ahead of time (by talking to her over the phone, etc.). It's harder to have a conversation that's more than superficial in a public location, and I don't know that I'd want to hire or be hired based on a superficial conversation.

Would I recommend this book to clients? Maybe - I mean, it wouldn't go on a "waste of time" list like some other books I could (but won't) name - but it wouldn't be at the top of the "read this now" pile, either.

Mentoring: the Tao of Giving and Receiving Wisdom

2008-09-08T08:24:00.000-04:00

I read Mentoring: the Tao of Giving and Receiving Wisdom by Chungliang Al Huang and Jerry Lynch slowly. It's not a long book, and it's also not a dense book - the main portion of the book consists of four-page sections for each of the "Virtues of the Heart" and "Virtues of the Soul". The first page shows the Chinese character for each; the second page describes its poetic meaning; the third page shows translations epigramatic wisdom from Chinese classics on the subject; and the fourth page describes the virtue's application to mentoring relationships. I tried to read one virtue at a time, several times a day, because I wanted to relax and savor the lovely calm and gentleness of them.

Being assigned to read this book felt like a gift. Tao means "way", and the way this book describes being in relationship to others is, in most ways, exactly how I would like to be in relationship with all the people in my life. Of course I am not all of the time in all of the ways with all of the people who are important to me. But this book isn't about "should," it's about "could" - "you could choose to behave more this way when a situation arises" rather than "you should do xyz when this happens!"

And I guess that's what I want to keep most from reading this book: offering those I mentor (clients, family, friends - the authors describe how mentoring is a model for all kinds of human relationships) and myself coulds instead of shoulds. This book models that possibility beautifully.

Homeopathy for Pregnancy, Bith, and Your Baby's First Year

2008-09-04T21:14:00.000-04:00

I loved reading this book, and I'm so glad I couldn't find it through the library so that I have my own copy to keep. Miranda Castro, the author, is a homeopath who has worked extensively with women and children, including herself and her own, and her purpose in this book is to empower people to prescribe homeopathic treatments for non-critical conditions for themselves and their family members.

I learned a lot I didn't know about homeopathy. I've always been told, "well, there's nothing really in homeopathic remedies, so try it - it can't hurt you and it might help." And I've read the indications on the remedy bottles and guessed at something that might be appropriate. And sometimes, it's helped. Castro explains that in fact, using the right remedy for too long, or using the wrong remedy, CAN cause or exacerbate the symptoms you are trying to treat or other symptoms; that you should not take most remedies for more than a few days or doses at a time; that it is usually not a good idea to combine multiple remedies; and that a dose is a dose - it doesn't matter if you take 3 of those little granules or 5 of them.

She also explains in detail how to choose a remedy - when you have lots of time, or on the fly in an emergent (though not emergency) situation. The book includes a "materia medica" list of a wide variety of homeopathic remedies and what they are good for to help you in this task, something I've not encountered before. Although this sounds like it would be boring, it was actually pretty interesting reading, since each remedy is linked to certain emotional and character traits. I read it "looking" for myself and other family members - and I found us!

Today I looked up a remedy in this book for a doula client facing an induction next week. (This was simple as there is only one suggested remedy for labor not starting in a timely fashion.) I didn't prescribe it, of course - I think I'd need some formal training of some sort to feel at all comfortable prescribing even relatively benign homeopathic treatments to anyone outside of my immediate family - but I did share the information with my client. I have no idea if she'll use it - but I'm sure I'll use this book again with clients and for myself and my family.

Book: NLP, the New Technology of Achievement

2008-08-22T04:20:00.000-04:00

NLP, the New Technology of Achievement, edited by Steve Andreas and Charles Faulkner (Harper, 1994)

First of all, NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. A book with an (unexplained) acronym in the title was really confusing for me when I was trying to find it in the library database, but oh, well. And what does neuro-linguistic programming mean? This book is about how to 'retrain' or 'train' your brain to think in positive ways about what you do want, and negative ways about what you don't want - to put it very, very simply. It is ostensibly aimed at anyone and everyone, although it is obviously coming from a business perspective - most of the examples are examples from business and other "achievement" oriented parts of life.

Since I usually need to understand things on a very personal level before I can grasp them on an external/structural level, this may not have been the best "NLP" book for me. I was also extremely off-put by the attitude of the authors that NLP is the solution to everything! I am off-put by almost anything that claims to be the one solution to everything, a cure-all, a panacea. "There is no one right way." Anything that seems to be claiming to be the or even a one right way bothers me.

On the other hand, I am fascinated by the exercises in the book, I can see how important they are in application in Birthing From Within work, and I need to get a copy (or a similar book - I'm going to ask around to see if there's one that would fit my learning style better) so I'll have it around to actually do the exercises.

One idea I've already used is the principle of assuming positive intent. In a disagreement with my husband, I took a deep breath, reminded myself that he had some positive intent in his behavior somewhere even if I couldn't see it for the life of me, and asked him what it was. And guess what, he told me. When you've been married for 10 years and known each other even longer, your communication patterns tend to get kind of set in their ways sometimes. So that may not sound like a lot, but it actually felt pretty big to me to be able to stop in the middle of an unpleasant feeling discussion, really listen to what he thought, and just accept it - because it's hard not to accept a positive intent, even if you know it didn't produce the outcome you would have liked.

Required Reading

2008-08-18T15:19:00.000-04:00

I am going to be doing some required reading for my certification processes so I thought I'd post some reviews here for my own future reference . . . and yours!

First review: The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers by Jack Newman and Teresa Pitman.

This is an awesome book. I had to get it via interlibrary loan and I am appalled by this fact. It should be in EVERY library, several copies. This is vital information mothers and partners need when they are learning how to breastfeed and how to support breastfeeding. I have breastfed two children very successfully, attended LLL meetings regularly, and watched various friends and family members breastfeed successfully. I learned a lot from this book, including some information about some of the things I worked through with each of my sons that it would have been helpful to know at the time, rather than in retrospect.

Although I do think that there was value in our figuring things out ourselves. I mean, we didn't ever give up and we learned a lot about each other in the process of figuring out what worked and what didn't for us. I'm not sure but that we mightn't have missed something important if we had been given the "answers". On the other hand, a lot of people get to the point of giving up, or are encouraged to that point by ignorant care providers, so this is a very important book to have as a resource. I will be getting my own copy ASAP.

As much as I loved the informational aspect of this book, I also really loved the flavor of the writing. Wry, dry humor, and wit! Punchy, too. It was fun to read. Here is a representative quote:

"I think this question of guilt is an important one. We shouldn't be making mothers feel guilty for not breastfeeding, should we? We shouldn't be making mothers feel guilty for anything, actually. Most mothers are doing the best they can, sometimes under very difficult circumstances. . . . But we certainly make mothers feel bad about their choices in many other situations. If you are . . . pregnant, and you drink alcohol, even small amounts, you will probably leave your doctor's office with stern warnings ringing in your ears and guilt in your heart. . . . Obviously, the physician who says that we should not make mothers feel guilty for not breastfeeding doesn't believe that breastfeeding makes a difference. But there is lots of evidence that it does - for the mother, for the baby, and for society."

- pp. 35 - 36 The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers

P.S. - I bought myself a copy - this is such a useful book and I had a 30% off coupon from Borders . . . YAY!

2008-07-15T15:07:00.000-04:00

"We clasp the hands of those that go before us,
And the hands of those who come after us.
We enter the little circle of each other's arms
And the larger circle of lovers,
Whose hands are joined in a dance . . ."

This is the poem by Wendell Berry which inspired me to choose this blog's name. I've been meaning to post about it for a while, and I thought I deserved a little break after spending about 3 hours trying to figure out which health insurance options make the most sense for me at this point (!).

So I love the image in this poem of little circles (families) within the larger circle (community). Connecting people and families to community has been a huge part of my life's work so far, and I see birth work as a continuation of that theme. We need to be together to learn and grow. Birth happens best when it is well prepared for and well supported (that can mean different things for different people - the support of friends and family who encourage a couple seeking an unassisted birth all the way through compassionate care for a high-risk pregnancy by excellent perinatology teams).

And someday, I'd like to be able to provide parenting education and support for home/unschooling families, as well. But I'm starting with birth!

I admit, though, that "Larger Circle" also seems like a kind of neat name for a birth work blog because of cervical dilation! You want the largest circle possible when that baby's coming out!

It's Official

2008-07-12T18:05:00.000-04:00

Well, I've signed up. I'm a officially enrolled as a Birthing From Within Mentor and Doula. I'm so excited! (Hey, do I get smilies on this thing? I want a really really exuberant one.)

I have been listening and listening to my heart and the universe for a long time, and I know that this is the time to follow this path. I need to learn what I will learn through this process. My prayer is that I will also be of some use to the women and families that I will (hopefully) have the honor to serve as a Mentor or a Doula (or both) as I complete the certification process.

Okay, universe - I'm ready. Bring on the birthwork!

Yikes. Did I just say that? But I'm not done my filing and I haven't made that dentist's appointment . . ..

Just kidding. A calling is when you have to do something, even if it would be easier not to. Being on call 24/7, leaving my toddler in the middle of the night, putting together a viable business . . . these would all be easier not to do. But I have to go there. And I will do it joyfully.